


Hunk's List of Grievances

by littlecinnamonbunny



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Back rubs, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Getting Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Oblivious Lance (Voltron), POV Hunk (Voltron), Poor Hunk, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Team Bonding, Tickling, alien dildos that are obliviously used incorrectly, bROGANES !!, but i don't really write it, he is a pure soul, lol you'll find out, there's a lil snippet but like not really, they are total pining idiots like wow, this is basically an archive of a bazillion ways to say 'having sex' without actually saying it lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-12-27 04:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18296915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecinnamonbunny/pseuds/littlecinnamonbunny
Summary: Honestly, Hunk deserves better.orFive times that Hunk thought he walked in on Lance and Keith doin’ the hanky-panky, and one time he actuallydid.





	Hunk's List of Grievances

**Author's Note:**

> i love Hunk
> 
> also, side note... Keith still thinks he's an orphan in the beginning bc this fic is supposed to be spread out over a long period of time
> 
> \- Sami (who once again has abused italics to an unhealthy extent rip)

  

* * *

 

 

_**\- First Incident -** _

 

 

“-and somehow I get partnered with _you_? How did Allura think this was a good idea?” 

“For god’s sake Lance, shut _up_. She chose us because you have a long-range weapon and I have a short-range one.”

“I would rather have stayed with Coran and Shiro and Pidge in the cryo-pod chamber trying to keep that weird sparkly stuff from leaking more out of that broken cryo-pod than it already has.”

“Oh, and you think I’m happy to be here? I’m stuck with you watching for possible aggressive advances, and if you keep complaining it’s gonna be _me_ committing the next aggressive advance.”

“Guys, no offence, but I would literally rather hear Coran’s sanitization-chamber-singing right now over both of you fighting like you’ve been married for eighty-five years.” Hunk drags a dirty hand over his face to wipe off some of the sweat clinging to his skin, digging deeper into the hole he’s already made, looking for any signs of dampness in the mess of dirt and rock. On an alien planet. …Alien dirt and rock.

One of the healing pods malfunctioned and started oozing some weird glittery black goopey slime with suspicious chunks of sparkles that – according to Lance – “looks like Pidge’s soul is leaking”. To that, Pidge just shrugged and said there would be more of the gay sparkly shit and Shiro _choked_.

So Allura sent Lance, Keith, and Hunk to go and get some more of the slime from some creepy plant-infested planet filled with caves. Additionally, she assigned Hunk to go by himself and dig a hole deep inside of one of said caves until he finds it.

Hunk.

…She sent _Hunk_ to dig in a deep dark cave. _By himself_.

Of course, Lance and Keith are stationed outside of the cave just in case he runs into any problems, but when those two are paired they are almost always bickering with each other. They kinda cancel each other out, and so it’s basically just _Hunk_.

And he doesn’t even get paid for this shit.

“ _Married_?! I could never tie the knot with someone who can shamelessly sport a mullet.” The comms crackle to life again as Lance squawks indignantly. It takes a minute for the Yellow Paladin to remember the context of that statement.

Hunk elects to ignore them, thankful he’s wearing his gloves as he scoops out another pile of dirt from the hole. It’s definitely starting to get a bit darker in color, and he’s gonna take a guess and say that means he’s getting closer, hopefully.

Keith scoffs. “Can you even tie a real knot?”

“I’ll tie the knot in your noose, Kogane.”

“So you’re saying you _would_ tie the knot with me?”

“If that knot was a noose, then yes.”

“Lance, Keith, please focus on the task at hand.” That’s Shiro’s voice, strained from the restraint of not saying what he actually wanted to say; that, Hunk muses, he can relate to on a _personal_ level.

Pidge snickers. “That was the Space Dad way of saying ‘shut the fuck up’.”

“What is a ‘fuck’?” Coran asks cheerily.

“Nope.” Hunk cuts them off, hissing as his nail snags on the edge of a rock. “Coran is pure and innocent. We will _not_ be discussing this.”

“Plus isn’t Pidge, like, twelve?” Keith sounds concerned.

Pidge huffs. “Twelve inches deep in your _mom_.”

“My mom is dead.”

“…Damn, you got me there.”

“Please, all of you, keep quiet. I’m sure you’re bothering Hunk, who – may I remind you – is the only one attempting to stay focused on the mission.”

Hunk grunts in agreement to Allura’s sharp passive-aggressive remark and tacks on, “You _are_ bothering Hunk.” It’s about ten seconds later that Hunk’s hand touches something wet and he grins. “Hey guys, I think I’ve finally found some of that goop.”

Keith’s voice comes from over the comm. “Does that mean we can finally get out of here?”

“Hey, take some time to smell the ominous alien flowers, Keithy boy. Like – look! Like that one.” There’s a rustling sound as Lance seemingly wanders off towards whatever he was looking at. Typical Lance.

“Lance, don’t.” The change in Keith’s voice is immediate; it loses that tone that he gets when he’s teasing Lance. Like he’s genuinely alarmed.

“Lance, I already told you that the effects of some of these plants are numerous for Alteans, and completely uncalculated for humans,” Allura warns hastily. “Most of the flowers act as a sort of aphrodisiac, and are extremely potent and dangerous if not handled properly. They are many, many deca-phoebs old and likely have evolved over time as well.”

Hunk leans back to pick up the large flask that he was supplied with for the mission, taking the tube and sticking the suctioning end into the growing pool of sparkly black goop. “Lance, don’t touch the sex flower. Also, I’m beginning the extraction process of the sparkly galaxy sludge.”

“Awesome job, Hunk! Knew we could count on you, buddy.” Hunk smiles a bit at Lance’s enthusiastic praise. “And relax, guys,” the Blue Paladin continues. “I wasn’t gonna smell it or anything... Just curious about the weird tentacle-leaves. They kinda look like they’re moving, and – _hey_! That one dances like my Tío John when he’s totally smashed at our family reunions!”

Keith sucks in a sharp breath. “Wait, you fucking blockhead, you can’t just- hold on, that’s- _Lance_!”

Hunk’s helmet suddenly gives off horrible high-pitched feedback as the comms disconnect. “ _Ow_! What the heck?” He slams his free hand over the buttons on the side, successfully cutting off the awful screeching in his ears. “Guys? What happened?”

There’s a crackling sound and then silence. The Yellow Paladin pauses in his work.

“Guys?”

Crackling. “-unk!”

Hunk frowns. “Allura? I can barely hear you.”

“-unk, La- an- eith- cut off co- pleas- … on th-!”

His helmet continues to wheeze and crackle. He frantically adjusts the settings, trying to re-establish the connection. “Wh-what?”

“-ance and Kei- have lost connection! Please go and check on them! I can’t seem to reach them and their locations are the only thing we have right now.” The sound of various tech being fiddled with rings through the connection and Hunk lets out a sigh of relief.

“Roger that.” He hurries to pull the suction from the ground and straps the now-full flask to his back, activating his bayard. “The extraction is complete anyways. On my way now. Are their locations still where I last saw them?”

“-es! Jus- outside of th-” And then the connection cuts completely.

Fidgeting nervously, Hunk slowly shuffles back to the opening of the cave, casting nervous glances in all directions. Are Lance and Keith okay? He may have been a bit annoyed with them, but even that dissipates in an instant at the possibility of them being in danger.

Nothing looks different from when Hunk had walked in, he notes suspiciously as he exits the cave and goes a little deeper into the weird purple forest.

“Lance?” He calls out worriedly. “Keith?”

Nothing.

He pulls up his surroundings’ statistics on his visor and continues in deeper, now sweating.

“-Ah!”

Hunk jolts, turning abruptly to his left and raising his bayard in a defensive stance.

That sounded like Keith.

He inches closer, his heart pounding, keeping his senses attuned to every possible threat.

“C’mon man, I’m trying to _help_ you.”

Lance. He speeds up now that he knows that it’s them, pushing aside thick neon orange branches to get through the brush.

“Hnng, Lance don’t- _ah_! Don’t touch there! Or – _fuck_ – or it’s gonna-!”

“Keith even _I_ can’t just leave you like this, especially since it was – uh – _kinda_ my fault that you’re like this. If you don’t let me touch it there’s no way I can, um… _help_ you.”

“Then just – just do it fast! It’s getting really – ah _shit_ – sticky.”

Hunk nearly trips over a wandering branch and his eyes test the flexibility of his eyelids as they bulge out of his head at the dialogue meeting his ears.

What. The. Fuck.

“Um, what the _quiznak_ is going on?” He still can’t see them, but he shoves branch after branch trying to get to them. Although, now he’s kinda starting to question whether he wants to; the nasty images of the possible scenarios that their exchanges would be appropriate for are _not_ welcome in his imagination.

“Hunk!” Lance sounds relieved. “Help, the-”

“ _Hnng_! _Lance you’re squeezing it too hard_!”

“- the flower is messing with Keith!”

Hunk slowly puts the pieces together.

Aphrodisiac. Allura said the flower acted as a kind of aphrodisiac.

Keith is drugged with an aphrodisiac.

Keith is making disturbing noises that Hunk could go his whole life _not_ hearing, and Lance is helping him.

Lance is helping him. Lance is doing something that is helping Keith, who is drugged with an aphrodisiac.

“Oh _hell_ no.” Hunk turns around. “No, nuh uh, _no way_. Double-fuck no.”

“Wha- Hunk! Where are you going?!”

“I’m sorry Lance, you’re my best friend and I would, like, totally die for you, but there is no way I am gonna come over until _after_ you two are done.”

“What?! Hunk, I’m serious!” Lance sounds strained and Keith groans again. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but I need – _ow, Keith, watch where you’re kicking!_ – Hunk, I need your help!”

Hunk hesitates.

Lance makes a grunting sound and Keith’s responding whine nearly drowns out the Cuban’s shout of, “Hunk, _please_!”

_Fuck_.

He starts running over again, cursing under his breath. “Fine! But if I see anything that I wouldn’t show my mother, I’m gonna be really pissed.”

He breaks through the glowing blue bushes and braces himself for what he’s about to see.

…

Well, it’s definitely not what he expected.

Hunk gapes as Lance tries to pull another plant-tentacle-leaf from where there are many wrapped tightly around a struggling, flailing Keith.

“What in the-”

“Just please help!” Lance grunts, barely managing to peel one of the leaf-limbs off.

Hunk runs over, trying to peel another. It’s wrapped so tightly that it must hurt; Keith groans in relief as one of his legs is freed, and Hunk realizes that _yeah_ , it probably does.

   

**

 

By the time they get back to the castle, they’re completely exhausted.

Allura seems to relax significantly as Lance, Keith, and Hunk all step into the room. “I don’t know what happened with the connection. Everyone is alright, though, correct? That species of flora employs a defense mechanism that immobilizes it’s attacker by coiling around it like a – what do you call those Earth animals? – a ‘bow constructor’ would.”

“I believe it’s called a ‘boa constrictor’, Princess.” Coran corrects as he walks in from behind them while half-covered in goo, tugging at his mustache as he approaches. “Fascinating beasts, they are.”

“We’re fine,” Keith huffs, rubbing at his arm where it still probably hurts. Hunk winces in sympathy. “Just a little shaken up.”

“I could have probably dealt with it, ya know.” Lance adds, nudging Keith’s arm with surprising gentleness, despite his frustrated expression. “You didn’t have to shove me out of the way when it sprung out at me.”

Keith gives him a withering glare. Lance just frowns deeper, meeting it head-on.

“Either way, I’m glad you’re all okay.” Allura’s smile is positively radiant. “I’ll give you a rundown of how to treat the temporary burns and Yvexerian boils that will appear in about a dobash thanks to those vines, Keith, and then we’ll get started on fixing the pod.”

“Fantastic,” Keith deadpans. “Contracting sketchy space diseases just happens to be my _favorite_ hobby.”

“An unusual fixation, but I like your spirit!” Coran chirps, cleaning sparkly black substance from behind his pointy ears. Hunk huffs out an awkward laugh; apparently Alteans are a very straightforward people, so the concept of sarcasm seems to elude them entirely.

As Allura speaks animatedly to an increasingly disgusted-looking Keith – and, by the way, Shiro and Pidge are _still_ missing (probably in the sanitization chamber, if they look anything like Coran does right now) – Lance turns to bump Hunk’s shoulder.

“Why were you acting so weird back there, dude?”

Hunk glances down to meet his friend’s questioning look, both of them visibly confused. “Huh? When? Back where?”

Lance crosses his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow. “Uh, right before you joined me in helping unwrap Texan Glory over there from that _flower death trap_? You know? Literally the _only_ noteworthy thing that’s happened during this entire mission?”

Hunk cringes. “Ah, that. I was hoping that was a nightmare. Or, like, some kinda alien goo induced fever dream.”

Lance looks concerned now. “…Hey, you okay? Did something happen?”

“No, no!” Hunk shakes his head, his face getting hot as he tries not to think about what was going through his mind at that time; Keith’s moaning is still ringing through his ears and he _definitely_ doesn’t want to remember hearing his friend-slash-teammate making those sounds. The Yellow Paladin scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, and Lance looks even more concerned now. “It was a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding. What did you _think_ was happening?”

Shiro and Pidge choose that moment to enter the room, various clumps of sparkly black goop still attached to their hair and several body parts, and Lance is blessedly distracted by that.

Hunk tries to shake the thoughts out of his head.

Lance and Keith may subconsciously totally have the hots for each other and be dumb oblivious pining mega-weenies, but he doesn’t doubt that it’ll be a while before either of them figures it out.

He lets that thought comfort him as he jogs forward to check in with a disgruntled-looking Pidge as Lance helps remove some goop from Shiro’s hair.

Hunk’s safe from accidentally walking in on _that_ kind of situation for now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**\- Second Incident -** _

 

 

It’s another typical space-day, and Hunk decides he’s gonna hit the training deck and test out some of the new modifications Pidge helped him make to his bayard. 

A perfectly innocent activity.

By no means should Hunk have to be prepared to run into anything other than G-rated content. Maybe PG if you consider blowing up gladiators as too violent for general audiences.

However, Hunk is constantly subjected to situations that his pure heart does not deserve. So, naturally, his soul probably shouldn’t have completely yeeted the fuck out of his body and astral-projected itself fifty levels into another dimension at the sight of Lance face-down, half-clothed and squirming underneath Keith as the Red Paladin presses Lance’s shoulders into the ground and gropes around Lance’s raised ass with furrowed brows.

“Keith,” Lance whines, trying to squirm his way to look behind himself at what the other is doing. Keith tsks at him, giving a reprimanding pinch to the exposed tan skin of his back where he’s pinning his shoulders to limit his mobility. “Keith, this is _so_ embarrassing.”

The raven rubs his thumb over the left side of Lance’s rear, scowling. “Stop moving you idiot. I can’t do this properly if you keep wiggling around like a surfaced worm; you’re just gonna hurt yourself.”

They obviously haven’t noticed Hunk standing in the open doorway yet, and Hunk can’t really say anything or look away considering the fact that his jaw is currently dragging on the polished floors and his soul is still, like, thirty dimensions away.

And suddenly Keith presses a finger just to the right of the butt-pocket of Lance’s pants and Lance yelps.

“ _Bingo_ ,” Keith’s face breaks out into a grin, Lance buries his own face further into the floor, and that’s when Hunk seems to finally come back to himself.

“WAH,” is all that he manages to get out.

It’s not English – or any language other than vaguely Waluigi-like, really – but it’s enough to get both Lance and Keith’s heads to snap in his direction, wide-eyed and frozen in their compromising position. Hunk’s mouth flaps like a fish. “ _WA-HAH_?”

The two self-proclaimed rivals glance at each other and seem to realize what it looks like.

“HGHAH,” Hunk smacks a hand over his eyes and turns to leave when Lance breaks out of Keith’s hold and jumps to his feet, hissing and reaching back to rub at his butt. “Hunk! Wait!”

“Lance!” Keith snaps, grabbing his shoulder roughly to stop him from moving more.

Lance glowers at him and shakes the hand off, hobbling towards his best friend. Hunk is kinda shell-shocked and obeys the command without really considering it. He turns to face them, eyes now permanently an external part of his body.

“It- it’s not-” the Cuban begins, but Keith cuts him off, stepping forward.

“Lance and I were training and Lance somehow managed to get a very small piece of shrapnel that was in his suit to fall down into his shirt… And then into his pants because he refused to stop _squirming_.”

“I was trying to get it out,” Lance huffs, crossing his arms over his bare chest defensively and eyeing Keith with distaste. “Then you decided to fucking _assault me_ to try and find it.”

Keith makes a face and his cheeks start to blotch pink – quite contrary to Hunk, who feels more color drain out of his own. “I wasn’t _assaulting_ you.”

“Dude, your hand definitely went to at least second base.”

“And I managed to find the shrapnel, didn’t I?”

“Not without scarring poor Hunk!”

Hunk blinks, looking between the two arguing paladins who are slowly inching closer to each other in the heat of their argument. He can practically _see_ the unresolved sexual tension manifesting into a physical being between them. “Umm, maybe this isn’t a good time. I’m gonna just-”

He jerks his thumb behind him to signal his departure, but neither Lance nor Keith seems to really notice, too busy in each other’s faces.

“It’s not my fault; you wouldn’t be able to find it by yourself!”

“Still! I know my ass is positively exquisite – like, Adonis levels of artistic genius – but you definitely did not need to get yourself all up in it just to find a tiny shard! Besides, you didn’t even get it out!”

“The fuck? Who calls their _own ass_ ‘positively exquisite’? And you should be at least a bit grateful that I _helped_ you.”

Hunk gapes, his eyes still burning with the truly outrageous image of their previous position.

“Grateful?” Lance looks appalled. “For what? Having my innocence so ungraciously tainted by your lecherous palms? Cruelty, thy name is Keith.”

Keith rolls his eyes with so much intensity that they may have disappeared into the back of his skull in the moment that the Yellow Paladin blinks. “Now is not the time for your stupid Bob Ross quotes, Lance!”

“Bo- _Bob Ross_?! That was a parody of _Shakespeare_ , you unsophisticated stewed prune!”

“I- …What did you just call me?”

Hunk turns and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

He goes straight to the nearest sink and washes his hands exactly six times until the skin is raw, as if what he just witnessed is tangible and he can wash it off if he tries hard enough. And when that doesn’t work he grabs the hose attachment – one that Keith had requested so that they could wash their gear easier if they so desired – and proceeds to spray it at full intensity directly into his own face.

Shiro walks in while rolling up his sleeves to wash his hands, takes one look at Hunk blasting a stream of freezing water into his pried-open eyeballs, and walks out again.

Pidge slinks to his side a few ticks later. Hunk is now just staring blankly ahead, his face dripping and eyes red.

The Green Paladin gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “I was going to try to personalize a training sequence for you to practice our modifications a varga ago, and walked in on them too. They didn’t notice me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I saw.”

When Hunk looks over at them, he sees that their eyes also look suspiciously bloodshot, and there is a small drop of water dripping off of the tip of their nose.

He shudders.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**\- Third Incident -**_  

 

 

It was a really close call.

All of their lions got bashed up from the surprised encounter with the fleet of Galra, and they were so outnumbered that everyone seems to be a little shaken up as they land safely.

Pidge, Keith, and Lance all stay back with their lions after the castle ship’s doors close behind them, and Hunk can’t really blame them.

He sends a concerned thought to Yellow but Yellow soothes him, saying that out of all of the lions, they are the lion meant to withstand the most impact. Therefore, they are currently the least damaged. So Hunk gives Yellow an affectionate pat on the paw as he heads out of the Lion Bay.

Shiro greets him silently when he gets to the dining area and they sit at the couches, just trying to mentally recover from the experience.

“Are you alright?” Shiro finally asks. His eyes are dark and disturbingly hollow-looking.

Hunk’s heart aches a little for him; Shiro had a brief period of time where he’d seemed to go through an episode during the battle. Keith had to comm him privately in the middle of battle and talk him out of it, the two both equally distressed by the experience.

“I should be asking you that, man.” Hunk gives him a lopsided smile, scooting closer and giving his shoulder a gentle nudge. “Things got pretty scary back there.”

The Black Paladin nods slowly. “I’m fine; that happens sometimes, though it admittedly hasn’t been that bad in a while.”

Hunk studies him carefully. The older man looks thoroughly exhausted. “I know that you’ve got the whole Space Dad thing going on, but you gotta take care of yourself too, Shiro. You’re always saying Keith and Pidge are the ones who constantly forget to watch their own health, but I think you’re right up there with them.”

Shiro blinks at him.

“We’re a team,” Hunk smiles a little more confidently this time. “We’ve all got to look after each other.”

The hollow look in Shiro’s eyes seems to become a little less hollow, and he returns the smile. “You sound like Keith. And Lance. And Pidge. And Allura. And Coran.”

Hunk pouts. “Then they stole my line. I should charge money for my advice and copyright it.”

Allura walks in with a rigidness to her shoulders, Coran hot on her heels, and Shiro glances up at them, speaking to Hunk still. “If I had space money I would totally pay you.”

“Hunk,” Coran approaches him as Allura goes straight to one of the Altean systems on the side and starts fervently typing at a holographic keyboard. “Do you mind checking in on the others, my boy? The princess needs my help recovering the castle’s particle barrier after that galactic limbo.”

Hunk stands, dusting off his suit. “No problem, Coran.”

Shiro goes to stand as well, but Coran presses gently on his shoulder to keep him sitting and the head of Voltron gives him a confused look. The Altean royal advisor winks, “I think you should take a trip to the cryo-pods, Number One.”

Hunk nods in agreement and Shiro makes a face, “I don’t-”

“Don’t disrespect your elders, Black Paladin!” Allura interrupts from across the room, still typing furiously.

Coran huffs. “I do beg to disagree, as I am not _that_ much older than Shiro, Princess.”

“I don’t know whether to be insulted or not… You are literally thousands of Earth-years old, Coran. I’m a man in my mid-twenties.”

The ginger alien pouts. Allura glances over at him with a fond smile, some of the stiffness from her shoulders melting at the familiar banter. “Coran, you know that I love and appreciate you most dearly, but even by Altean standards you are starting to reach the latter half of your lifetime.”

Shiro sighs and gives Hunk a look that says ‘escape while you can’, and Hunk salutes him before jogging out of the room.

“Sleep, old man!” He calls behind him, and he’s pretty sure he sees Shiro make an obscene gesture with his galra hand. He pauses in the doorway, gasping in mock offence, “My goodness, Shiro!”

The other blinks innocently, pretending to try and force the finger down with his human hand. “Ah, my apologies. It must be malfunctioning.”

Hunk snickers and heads towards the lions, hearing Allura’s confused voice slowly fade as he walks away, “What an odd gesticulation. Is that a human gesture of endearment?”

He thinks he hears Shiro say, “It is a way to show the utmost highest respect.” He beams again and starts with the Green Lion first.

When he doesn’t see Pidge immediately as he enters the Green Lion’s bay, he yells out a, “Pidge?”

A head pops into view in through the windshield of the lion. Upside down.

Pidge is hanging from the ceiling of the cockpit, screws between their lips as they glance at Hunk while tinkering with some of the inner-workings of Green. “Wrtcha wrnt Hrnk?”

Hunk snickers and approaches Green’s open mouth, peeking in to see what Pidge is doing. They are situated in an opened panel in the ceiling, their legs locking them in place. “You should head in soon. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”

There’s a weird device resting in the pilot seat that Pidge seems to have temporarily removed from where they’re working, and Hunk gets a little distracted, approaching it with curiosity.

“Drn’t rven thrnk ‘bout it,” Pidge mutters through the screws between their lips and Hunk jolts, retracting his finger from where he was going to poke at a screen-like panel on the device.

“Need any help?” Hunk asks, glancing up at them.

The youngest paladin is tightening the screws in an identical-looking device to the removed one. They remove the screws from their mouth for a moment to give him a sharp look. “Nope. You’re just gonna poke through all of Green’s delicate machinery.”

Hunk pouts, “Hey, first of all, _rude._ I have my own lion to poke around in.”

“I’m doing just fine, Hunk.” They pause to smile genuinely at him. “I’ll only be another half-varga or so. Green was just telling me that there were a few screws that loosened when we got hit by that blaster.”

“Mmmkay,” Hunk nods, satisfied. “I’m gonna head over to Red’s bay next, then.”

Pidge pauses. “Might be a good idea; Keith seemed particularly ruffled by that fight. He asked if I could help him repair something in the dashboard of Red, but I told him I couldn’t because Green has some repairs needed too. If I remember correctly, I think he managed to rope Lance into helping him.”

The Yellow Paladin whistles. “Wow, how did he manage that?”

“He seemed really stressed out and genuinely upset – especially after that whole fiasco with Shiro – and you know how Lance is when someone is honestly troubled.” Pidge smiles a little. “As much as we like to tease him, he’s a good guy. He actually offered to help when I said I couldn’t.”

Hunk smiles too; sounds like Lance.

“Plus, he’s entirely fucking taken with our resident fiery mullet. Those two could very well be doing some two-person push-ups, if you know what I mean. The tension out there was high, and some stress relieving oscillating of the unmentionables to finally make them admit their feelings wouldn’t be surprising for those two pining losers.”

“…I really don’t think I wanna know what you just said but I have a feeling Shiro would scold you for it, so...”

Pidge shrugs and goes back to the task at hand.

“Alright, well keep doing… whatever you’re doing, and I’m gonna pop over to check in on them. See ya ‘round, Pidgey.” He waves.

“See ya, Hunk.”

Hunk hums under his breath as he heads to Red’s bay.

When he peeks in, he can automatically hear two voices coming from inside.

“Okay Lance, hold it steady and then I’m gonna push it in, okay?”

“Ain’t gonna lie, but I’m kinda scared for myself, dude. The hole isn’t that big.”

“Relax, I’m pretty sure this part is made to fit in it, so there shouldn’t be a problem.”

Hunk frowns and thinks back to what Pidge said.

‘Stress relieving oscillating of the unmentionables’?

Obviously, those two wouldn’t be stupid enough to do it in a giant sentient mecha lion. In public. Where anyone could walk in.

He heads towards Red’s open jaws, where the source of the noise is.

“ _Woah_! Don’t just shove it in! You’ve gotta warn me first, asshole. That fucking hurt.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Lance. We’ve done this four times already; you should be used to it by now.”

“It still hurt, man. You’re being too rough and impatient.”

Hunk sighs and hesitates outside of the cockpit. It sounds a little incriminating, but they’re probably just fixing up some stuff like Pidge said they were.

He opens his mouth to speak, when Keith unknowingly cuts him off.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s quiet, a little bit vulnerable, and very un-Keith.

Hunk’s stomach does a weird flip for his friend, and he doesn’t walk in, not wanting to disturb the rare moment of vulnerability.

“S’okay, these things happen sometimes. We just gotta work together and power through it.” Lance’s voice is gentle, but Hunk thinks that the double-meaning rings loud.

Keith makes a soft sound and the Yellow Paladin has to strain to hear their now-intimate conversation. “I… don’t like seeing him like that.”

Lance is quiet for a moment, and then there’s the sound of movement, like he’s shifting position. “I know. None of us do, but he’s your brother. Of course you’re going to be affected by that, Keith.”

“I just,” Keith sucks in a frustrated breath before speaking again. “I almost got us killed back there. If I wasn’t so worried about Shiro after his episode, then you guys wouldn’t have had to take that blast aimed at me.”

Hunk frowns, but he doesn’t say anything yet.

He trusts Lance will know the right thing to say.

“Woah there, buddy.” Lance says, concerned. “In _no way_ did you almost get us killed. You didn’t see the blaster, just like I didn’t see the ship behind me earlier that Shiro took out. It’s always life or death out there, but the sole reason we’re all alive right now is because we look out for each other. That’s how teams work.”

“…I should be better than this.”

“If I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure the last time I said the same thing you responded with ‘it’s good to strive for improvement, but it’s more important to recognize that you’re enough as you are’, which was, like, the most wise thing I think I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. Practice what you preach, you grumpy emo mullet.”

Hunk does not remember hearing that from Keith, so it was probably a time when the two were alone. It makes him happy to know that they’ve come this far.

Maybe Lance and Keith are a lot more open with each other than Hunk initially gave them credit for.

“Don’t turn me into the bad guy, Lance.” Keith’s tone is a little lighter and more teasing, and Lance chuckles.

“Zarkon’s the bad guy. We’re just the super badass color-coded space soldiers coming to get him right up his disturbingly-small purple nose.”

Keith lets out a snort of laughter and Hunk can definitely picture the shit-eating grin on Lance’s face.

He beams and slowly inches his way out of the bay, deciding not to disturb the atmosphere. He’ll come back in a bit.

 

**

 

It’s not until after a quick snack and a nice chat with Allura that Hunk comes back to check on Lance and Keith. 

They’ve been working for vargas now, and everyone is starting to get a little worried since they hadn’t spoken to Keith since his blow up; Hunk reassured them that Lance was with him and they were talking it out.

Still, the next meal is coming up pretty soon and Hunk knows those two well enough to know they are notorious for forgetting meals if they are completely immersed in something.

So he wanders back down to Red’s bay, giving the big lion an affectionate pat on the arm as he makes his way into the cockpit.

Lance and Keith are not there.

Frowning, Hunk looks around.

Red wouldn’t be open unless Keith was inside of here, so they’ve got to be in here somewhere.

Hunk opens his mouth to call out to them, and is cut off _again_.

This time, it is not words. It’s a moan.

_Lance’s_ moan.

Hunk freezes.

That did not sound like a moan of pain.

“Fuck, it’s so good.”

“I know.” Keith’s voice is breathy.

And then a strange noise reaches Hunk’s ears; vibrating.

Lance moans again. “I _need_ one of these. Where did you find this? It hits all of the right spots.”

“This really short alien wearing a big cloak gave it to me on that last trade planet we were on. She told me I looked like I could use one of them for some good stress relief and said it worked wonders for her. I get what she means, now.”

Hunk shudders at the Red Paladin’s words; ‘stress relief’ triggers Pidge’s previous speculations to repeat in his head in their suggestive tone, and suddenly this situation seems _far_ too inappropriate for him to be impeding upon.

He starts to back out of the lion once again, his heart hammering hard in his chest and sweat beginning to cling to the back of his neck.

The vibrating abruptly cuts out as Hunk makes it to the mouth of the lion, turning to bolt.

Lance’s voice echoes behind him, still oblivious from wherever the two are hidden inside of Red. “Why’d you stop?”

“I think the battery thing only lasts for like two hours at a time before I have to plug it into this weird little device that recharges it.” Keith sounds annoyed, too. “It’s super inconvenient; I could use this thing for a whole day without getting tired of it.”

And with that Hunk is gone.

When Allura asks why Lance and Keith aren’t with him at the dinner table, the glob of food goo Hunk was eating lodges in his throat and he barely manages to cough out, “They’re busy.”

It’s a varga later when Keith walks in – tailed by a pouting Lance – and confronts Allura while the others are lounging on the couches. “Allura, can you please help me fix this? Lance broke it from forcing it too hard.”

Allura turns to look at what he’s offering to her, and Hunk squeezes his eyes shut and sinks further into the couch, knowing _exactly_ what Keith wants fixed. Shiro gives him a weird look.

The moment Allura chokes – similar to how Hunk had earlier – and starts coughing manically, Hunk knows he’s right. Pidge (who happened to be walking out of the kitchen behind Allura at that moment) hurries forward and pats at her back, helping her catch her breath.

“ _Where_ ,” the Altean princess wheezes, “ _did you get that?_ ”

Shiro finally turns to look at what’s going on and his eyes widen. Reluctantly, Hunk turns to look, too.

Keith is frowning and glancing down at the weird tripod-shaped device with three firm, neon-pink protruding appendages that he’s holding in his hand. Lance also looks confused, glancing between it and Allura, who looks completely scandalized and is gaping at the object like it’s personally offended her. Pidge is blinking in interest at it from beside the princess.

“Um, back on Xalthizar? Someone gave it to me.” The raven frowns deeper.

Allura swallows thickly, her eyes intense when she manages to rip them away from the item and look Keith in the eye. “Keith, are you aware of what it is that you are holding right now?”

Hunk sucks in a sharp breath.

Keith bites his lip; he’s starting to look a little more uncomfortable now. “It’s- it’s a back massager… Right? The alien said it was good for stress relief.”

Allura’s entire face flushes red and Lance’s eyes widen to the size of saucers, realization dawning on his face. “Oh my god.”

Pidge bursts out laughing. Keith pales completely. “What? I don’t-”

“Keith,” Lance hisses, “that’s a vibrating alien _dildo_.”

Keith’s jaw drops and he impulsively flings it as far as he can away from himself. It hits Shiro in the side of the head and the grown man shrieks when the device magically turns on and the three tentacles start vibrating aggressively. Shiro throws it away in horror.

It lands with a _shluck_ against the wall and sticks there, jerking and quaking in violent patterns.

They all stare at it.

Keith breaks the silence. “Holy shit. She said I ‘looked like I could use one’… _I was gifted an alien vibrator, what the actual fuck_.”

“Someone _gave_ that to you?!” Shiro squawks, gaping at him.

The Red Paladin scowls, his cheeks pink. “What, do you think I would willingly go out and _buy one of those myself_? I’m concerned that you seem more surprised at the fact that it was given to me!”

Lance starts whining, slumping to the ground. “Oh my god, I let Keith rub that thing all over my back, oh my _god_.”

“She didn’t give it to you… _used_ , right?” Hunk whispers, his heart thumping loudly and horrible things threatening to empty themselves from the confines of his stomach.

Keith’s face gets redder and Lance lets out a pitiful sob from somewhere on the floor. “I don’t- I don’t think so…”

Pidge is cackling so hard that Hunk would maybe be worried about the lack of oxygen they’ve taken into their body in the last few minutes if it weren’t for the fact that he’s trying to keep the food goo previously consumed _inside_ of his body.

“I can’t believe even an alien stranger managed to pick up on how gay you are,” Shiro sighs, dragging a hand over his face. “The ‘straight as a limp noodle’ aura must run in the family. We’re all practically walking rainbows.”

Allura – fed up with the distracting thing – gives the vibrating dildo a sharp kick and breaks a hole in the wall, the dildo falling away with it. She turns and gives Shiro a confused look, crossing her arms over her chest. “Everybody in your family is sexually and romantically interested in the same gender as themself? This was not considered to be strange in Altea, but I was under the impression that humans of the same sex cannot reproduce.”

“That’s true,” Lance pipes up, still laying limply on the floor. “But there are tons of sexual orientations other than ‘straight’ and ‘gay’. For example, I’m as bisexual as they come. A picture of me is probably in the universal dictionary under the term ‘bi’ in every written language.”

Allura hums thoughtfully. “And your sexual preferences are passed down from generation to generation?”

Pidge – who had just recovered from their near-death laughing fit – snorts again. “No, no, nothing like that.”

“Shiro and I aren’t actually related by blood, and I knew I was gay _long_ before we even met, let alone grew close enough to be brothers,” Keith explains dryly, eyeing the new hole in the wall where ominous and sporadic vibrating sounds still echo occasionally. “So it’s not like it’s passed down or anything.”

Coran walks into the room, a skip in his step. He stops in the doorway and blinks in surprise, taking in the situation. Particularly the gaping hole in the wall.

Hunk winces. “Hey Coran.”

“Ah, I’m assuming Allura found Keith’s dildo?” Coran says with a solemn nod.

Keith flushes and Pidge starts their inhuman screeching laughter again.

“You knew about that?” Shiro asks.

Coran shrugs. “He asked me to help him use it to massage out the muscles in his shoulder, and I figured the Earth equivalent of these sorts of objects must be different enough for it to be unrecognizable, so I did not mention it.”

Keith groans and Allura sighs heavily. “Well, now all of you know. Please do not bring any more of these things onto this ship. You are paladins of Voltron; it is your duty to protect the universe, and whatever personal activities you choose to partake in outside of that should be kept to yourself. Buying these kinds of things may be completely acceptable in some places, but could lead to great havoc in others, so I must warn against it.”

Hunk goes to the kitchen and chugs a juice pouch to get the gross feeling of bile out of his throat. “Don’t worry, Allura,” he soothes. “I doubt any of us will accept sketchy alien gifts without asking its usage after this.”

Both Lance and Keith maintain a steady pink flush to their skin for the rest of the day.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_**\- Fourth Incident -**_  

 

 

_“Lance and Keith are in the recreational room and they’re making weird sounds.”_

Despite being a pivotal part of team Voltron, Pidge is still a child; wanting to use this room to play some games and cool off is something none of the team could ever deny of them. So Lance and Keith using it for _these_ kinds of activities and keeping Pidge from being able to relax – that’s something Hunk has deemed worth confronting.

And that’s the reason why he is now standing at the door of the strange room with the slightly-off Altean version of a pool table and some couches – named the ‘recreational room’ by the team – and listening to sounds that he’s heard far too many times now.

There’s grunting that sounds suspiciously like Lance, and they’re mumbling to each other. Hunk’s hand hesitates over the hand scanner by the door.

“Why didn’t you ask Hunk to do this? He’s your best friend, right?”

Hunk jolts at the sound of his name. Keith obviously hasn’t sensed him outside of the room or anything, but it still makes Hunk’s pulse spike in nervousness.

“Hunk _is_ my best friend, but he sometimes doesn’t know his own strength and can be so rough on my poor body that I can’t sit down without pain for days.” Lance’s voice is muffled when he replies, groaning again.

Lance and Hunk are best friends. Neither of them have ever wanted or pursued any type of relationship further than that with each other, and that’s the only reason Hunk knows this conversation is not about a sexual act. He’s walked in on this situation enough times that he’s realized Lance and Keith are too pussy-footed to acknowledge the weird tension they have between each other, so the chance of it being as bad as it sounds is low.

Pidge, however, has _not_ encountered this. No wonder they misread the situation.

He goes to put his hand on the scanner when Keith speaks up again, sounding a little physically strained.

“Well I can see why; you’re really tight. This is almost hurting me as much as it’s hurting you.”

“Whatever, it’s- ah! A little to your left… Wait, down a bit, and- _hng_! Yeah, right there. Fuck, that feels so good.”

Hunk pulls his hand back and drags it over his face, cheeks flushing. Does Lance not hear himself? The things he’s saying _out loud_ are so fucking embarrassing that even Hunk is mortified.

“Here, this is where it is?”

“Yeah, shit-”

“M’gonna push harder.”

“Keith, wait- _fuck_! Ow!”

Apparently, Keith is no better than Lance.

With an exasperated sigh, Hunk pushes his hand onto the scanner and the door clicks open.

He stands there with his hands on his hips, entirely unimpressed, while watching as Keith pauses from where he's straddling Lance’s waist, kneading and pushing on the Blue Paladin’s back.

“Oh, hey Hunk.” Keith greets him before returning to the task at hand.

Lance groans when Keith pushes particularly hard in a spot on his left shoulder and turns his head from where it’s stuffed into a couch cushion. “Haven’t seen you in a while, buddy. Where did you head off t- right there, Keith. That’s right where it hurts.”

Hunk rolls his eyes as Keith starts kneading at the tight muscles in that spot of the Cuban’s shoulder again. “I was talking to Pidge - who wanted to play some games in here, heard the disturbing noises you guys are _still_ making, and misinterpreted the situation.”

They both halt their actions, blushing at the implication but leaving it unaddressed.

“Pidge wanted to come in here?” Keith asks instead.

Hunk nods and Lance sighs, sitting up and forcing Keith to separate from him. “We would’ve gone somewhere else if they’d told us they wanted some recovery time.”

“I think, considering what they thought you two were doing, they didn’t think it was the best time to interrupt.” Hunk emphasizes this point, and the two blush again.

“We- we weren’t-” Lance stutters, and Keith clears his throat awkwardly.

Relenting, Hunk just takes a deep breath and turns back towards the door. “I’ll clear things up with Pidge. From now on, try to be mindful of how you sound and keep it to yourselves and out of common areas.”

He walks out and heads towards Pidge’s room, knowing very well that he’s forcing them to confront some stuff they probably are afraid to talk about.

Good, it’ll give them something to think about.

It’s about time those two stop dancing around each other.

 

 

* * *

 

  

_**\- Fifth Incident -** _

  

 

It’s been so long since the last incident that Hunk is genuinely nervous this time when he walks into the observation deck and hears giggling from the other side of the room, behind a couch.

The last time he’s walked in on this, he’d said some things that hopefully forced them to confront their feelings. They’ve had time to talk about it, and everyone on the ship has noticed them growing closer. 

This could very well be what it sounds like.

Hunk covers his eyes and flinches when he hears tussling and then a grunt and another fit of giggling.

He clears his throat and speaks up, “Um g-guys, I am really super happy that you’re getting along and everything, but like this is a public area and you should really keep those things for when you are in your rooms!”

The giggling stops and Lance’s head pops up from behind the couch: cheeks flushed, hair messy, and shirt rumpled and pulled weirdly across his body. “Hunk!”

Keith’s head pops up beside Lance’s in an equally mussed state. “What did you say?”

Hunk turns away, blushing heavily. “I’m gonna- yup I think I’ll just head that way and leave okay yup bye.”

“What’s wrong? Why are you acting so weird?” Keith stands up and flattens out his clothes, frowning in confusion. Lance follows his actions and Hunk stays frozen, facing away from them.

“We’re all supportive and stuff – we even had a bet going! – but, like, it would be nice if these things didn’t happen in public areas…” He shuffles his feet, still not looking at them.

Lance’s hand on his shoulder makes him jump and Keith stands behind him, looking worried and confused. “What things?”

Hunk swallows thickly, scratching the back of his neck. “Y-You know…”

“Not really. Please enlighten us,” Lance tilts his head, frowning.

Will he really have to spell it out for them?!

“Um… The whole intimacy thing.”

Lance pales. “I- _Intimacy_?”

Keith is stiff, his jaw tense.

Hunk pauses, confused by their reaction. “Wait, are you serious?”

“I should be asking _you_ that! Intimacy?! We were just playing around and then I found out Keith was ticklish!” Lance looks completely appalled by the idea.

They’re not- holy shit, how oblivious _are_ they?!

“You’re seriously not together?”

“N- _No_!” Keith responds this time, both of them turning bright red and moving a bit farther away from each other like they’ve been burned.

Hunk groans. “Are you kidding me? I had so much more faith in you than this. At this rate, Coran is gonna win the bet.”

Lance’s hands are trembling from where they’re fiddling with the hem of his still-rumpled shirt. “What bet?”

He’s become so blasé about this whole thing, at this point, that he’s not going to even bother beating around the bush anymore. “Half of the team is under the impression that you two have been doing the horizontal foxtrot for _months_ now, dude.”

Lance chokes and Keith’s face starts turning a seriously alarming shade of red before he covers it with his hands.

“ _Are you fucking serious_?!” Lance squeaks, his voice cracking.

“Yes, I’m serious. I knew you could both be a little dense when it comes to things like this, but _come on_.” Hunk shakes his head and tries to push down the complete frustration he’s feeling right now. “I’m gonna go, and for the sake of all things good _think about what I said_.”

He gives each of them a sharp look, straight into their eyeballs and hopefully shaking them down to their core, before walking the hell out of that room.

He needs a break and some sleep. Lots of sleep. Preferably a coma. 

 

 

* * *

  

 

_**\- Sixth Time's A Charm -** _

 

  

By request, Hunk is on his way to find Lance.

Allura had been discussing their next mission with Shiro, and had been able to speak with each member of the team except for Lance about their roles in the mission.

So Hunk – the most knowledgeable about Lance’s typical whereabouts – was asked politely to find him and make him aware that his presence has been requested.

The Yellow Paladin hums to himself, peeking into Lance’s room.

Lance usually lounges here for some off time around this hour, but when he steps in fully, the room is empty. The bed is made neatly, like usual, (a habit they've all become accustomed to thanks to the Garrison) and everything seems to be untouched and in place.

Undeterred, Hunk wanders down towards Blue’s bay, still humming to himself.

It’s some strange song that the species from a planet they’d visited a few galaxies ago had played for them in their honor. It had an abundance of this weird stick-flute instrument, and the locals sang in pitches that were too high of a frequency for their human ears to pick up, but Coran said that it was very pretty and used a lot of harmonies. The bassier parts of the song are what is now stuck in his head. It’s been days, and Hunk’s been humming it so much that he’ll even occasionally hear one of the others humming it too.

He reaches Blue’s bay right at the crescendoing bit, and fades out of the song as he approaches the lion.

Blue’s head is down and mouth is open, meaning Hunk has guessed correctly as to where Lance is.

He strolls forward, tapping his fingers to the rhythm along the walls as he approaches the cockpit.

Rather than going in, he peers inside and can just barely make out Lance’s form in the cockpit of the lion. He’s on his knees, and looks to be fixing something. There are muffled grunts, once again confirming Hunk’s suspicions, and then something sounds like it’s been knocked over.

And that’s when it happens.

A familiar gloved hand comes into view, pale fingers pushing back Lance’s fringe with a soft groan, and Hunk realizes that Lance's mouth is currently preoccupied and will not be able to respond. But it’s too late because Hunk’s already opened his own mouth to speak.

“Hey Lance, Allura wants to– _hoLY F_ \- oh yup okay that’s definitely a dick, goodbye I’m gonna erect myself out of- _eject_! - eject myself out of the airlock now.”

He turns on his heel and speed walks the fuck out, and even Yellow is sending him questioning concern that tingles the corners of his mind (though it’s tinged with amusement, the filthy traitor) and he ignores Lance’s choking and coughing and swearing.

He also chooses to ignore Keith’s mortified cry of his name along with “wait-!” because _no_ Keith, why the fuck would he wait?!

‘Oh sorry, let me just pause in my desperate attempt at fucking off for a moment so you can remove your genitals from the back of my best friend’s throat and try and convince me that your penis was checking for cavities’.

Nopity nope. Nope to the ninth power, that is negatory, because even though the last thing Hunk hears is Keith’s worried voice as he frets over Lance, acknowledging that he heard it would be admitting that the reason _why_ Keith is concerned about Lance happened, and even Shiro’s secret stash of Altean tequila that he says is fruit punch as he chugs it before every meeting with Slav – even _that_ wouldn’t be enough to help Hunk face reality for the next twenty-four hours. No way.

When Hunk – who is still not over it, but is too good of a person to avoid them for longer than he already has – sees Lance later and is helping him massage his back (“I promise I’ll be gentler this time, Lance.” “Is that a pinky promise?” “Naturally.”), he’s working on Lance’s shoulders and spots some patches of dark discolored skin.

Concerned, Hunk moves the collar of Lance’s shirt down a little more and discovers six identical ones lining the base of his neck and trailing down the skin below his hair. Dark and purple and inflamed bruises, each in a very distinctly recognizable shape.

He falters for a moment out of shock.

“Hunk?” Lance asks, sensing his hesitation. “What’s up?”

Hunk, being the greatest fucking friend in all of the known universe, doesn’t say anything and pats his shoulder to let him know it’s fine. Lance relaxes back into the couch and Hunk continues where he left off.

_No wonder Lance has back pain._

“You owe me one, and not just for this.”

Lance sighs heavily. “Yeah yeah, I’ll take your cryo-pod cleaning duties for the next ten cycles.”

“Make that twenty.”

“What?!”

“I saw you playing tonsil hockey with Keith’s dick, dude. That’s worth at least twenty cycles.”

Shiro walks into the room, heading to the kitchen to get a water pouch and Hunk turns to wave at him, but Lance seems too distracted by their current argument to make time to wave as well.

“Not cool, Hunk! We’ve all seen each other in various states of undress! It’s hard to maintain decency stuck in a floating metal bajillion-year-old castle in the middle of space! Plus, it’s not my fault you don’t knock before you waltz in.”

Hunk gives him a blank look, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay, but _you_ didn’t have to see your teammate’s dick in your best friend’s _mou_ -”

“ _Hey_ Shiro!” Lance gives a large and very fake smile and his abrupt jump in volume startles the said paladin, making him jump and squeeze his water pouch so hard that half of it squirts out of the packet. Shiro blinks in surprise and waves back, smiling awkwardly at the finger guns and innocent grin Lance tosses him. He eyes Lance's pink face with suspicion as he exits the room. 

Lance turns back to Hunk, his ears red. “Fine. Twenty cycles it is, then.”

Hunk nods approvingly. “Thought so. Now I don’t have to clean cryo-pods _or_ record distress signals.”

His friend frowns, confused. “Hold up buddy, I definitely didn’t agree to do your shift for recording distress signals.”

“You didn’t, but Keith did.”

“…You’re a clever man, Hunk.”

“Damn right. Choose a private place to canoodle next time. Also, might wanna tell Keith to make his marks a little less… uh… _visible_ , because the back of your neck looks like you got mauled by, like, fifty vampires.”

Lance slams a hand over the back of his neck in horror. Hunk just winks at him and strolls out into the hallway, humming the same song to himself.

Despite the terror of having to see two of your closest friends gettin’ freaky in a giant mecha cat, the less horrifying things he’s accidentally seen (walking in on the two asleep tangled together on the observation deck, catching sight of their pinkies clasped below the dining table as he reaches down to pick up his dropped spoon, hearing quiet giggles followed by ‘shhhhh’ from behind Keith’s closed door as Hunk walks by, catching a glimpse of a shy stolen kiss hidden behind a corner right before they head into battle, and more), Hunk is maybe a little bit overjoyed for his entirely smitten friends.

Coran won the bet, and none of them are even that mad.

Hunk just wishes he could have the luxury of selective memory.

**Author's Note:**

> Shiro's altean tequila makes another appearance
> 
> :) sorry not sorry
> 
> \- Sami


End file.
